Maybe not...

“Maybe not” is an emerging theme for me. Maybe I’ll go to the store, maybe I’ll make my bed, maybe I’ll dine with friends tonight, maybe I’ll get some work accomplished….and, maybe not. For the first time, I am learning to let it be. Screw guilt, I’ll get out of bed when my body is ready and finish reading the newspaper before checking email, loading the dishwasher, returning calls, raking the yard. I check in with my body and check in with my needs. On my bad days, I have MY permission to retreat, rest, and heal. On my good days, I simply do not want to work (completing jobs for others for billable hours), to move at my “usual” erratic, unfocused, frenzied, deadline-oriented pace. When I feel good I want to organize my house, garden, do laundry, cook and exercise—to create order and to handle the mundane but necessary chores of everyday life. These are the necessities I have considered a luxury in the past—the things that provide me with a calm, sane home and body. Oddly, on these good days, I can hardly bring myself to sit at the computer and complete jobs I have promised, face bills that must be paid, attempt the “to dos” that I have created on a never-ending list. Spring is here, the sun is shining and blooms are everywhere, and THIS, is really important stuff to absorb and enjoy.